For the last twelve to thirteen years one of the primary focuses of my life has been working towards a degree, completing another chapter in the long journey and path I have chosen for myself; and, although I could not have imagined that the one free class I was given would all these years later bring me to a Bachelor's Degree and Two Master's Degree's the journey of learning, deadlines, late nights, lost sleep, and completion has well been worth it. Not to mention that during this time, my husband and I became parents while both working towards a long term goal, that at least at the moment for me seems as though it is a long way away. Since graduating this past winter with my second master's, I have in part because of the challenges that sometimes come with being an only child and older parents, taken time away from research, writing and learning as one of my primary focuses. I have missed it in many ways, and not so much in others. Balancing the needs of your children, and family and other commitments is not always easy but always worth it. I graduated with both a sense of pride and dread, for multiple reasons, including the pure exhaustion I felt from all of these years of writing studying and trying to balance my world on five to, if I was lucky, seven hours of sleep a night. There was also something else, in our current political environment people like me, people who value education and work hard to obtain it are viewed as out of touch, and often treated poorly because of our choices and goals. Don't get me wrong, I don't work towards my goals to be praised by people, I do it for me and my own personal goals, yet the way people who are educated in this country are viewed has changed considerably and not for the betterment of society over all. So I did not post anything or acknowledge it, but my family did, they were proud of me and that means a great deal. It took me a while to figure out why I was choosing not to acknowledge what I had worked so hard and with great diligence towards, and finally I heard a speech that made me realize I was letting the people who give people like me a hard time compromise my success to make less of what I had achieved, and that would never due. I am proud of my achievements, I have worked very hard to obtain my goals, and I have overcome a lot of personal obstacles to get where I am yet even with that renewed sense of yes I did it there was something else.
Life sometimes forces us to slow down even when we don't want to but desperately need to, in my case it has come in the role of my family needing me, and my priorities being them first. I didn't really put a name to it or give it much thought, until earlier today, when I was reading and I realized that part of what has made this journey easy in transition is my burn out. I feel tired, writing papers, and researching are things I love to do, but at least for a few more weeks, I so desperately need to live life without always being on task and always meeting a deadline. I am continuing instead to try and connect to a healthier version of myself to take forward in my next faze of professional academic life. I approach this as I have most things, looking at it, reading, and in deep thought, but my time for actin is almost at hand, the goal to reach a specific outcome is becoming clear in regards to my personal goals. The rest will follow, but my accidental sabbatical has allowed me to catch up on reading and spend time with my family, and do things that often feel as though they would not other wise be accomplished. So for know at least, will enjoy my accidental sabbatical and find peace in the idea that sometimes that best retreats from the work you do are the unintended ones.
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